Does “Being a Guy” Seem More Complicated These Days?

Like many men, maybe you consider yourself a feminist——you deeply respect women, and you’ve always tried to own your privilege. Deep down, however, you may feel at war with your own masculinity. Perhaps you’re competitive, enjoy voicing your strongly-held opinions and think waiting for every single person in the group to be heard just takes too much time. The popular cultural narrative says these traits should be suppressed in order to maintain healthy, kind, and loving relationships. You might think to yourself: How can I reconcile who I am with who society says I should be? How can I maintain healthy relationships and still be myself?

Suppose, for instance, you have a good relationship with your co-workers, but you feel it's clear that some of them aren't as competent as you are. You just seem to get to the crux of the problem a step ahead of most of the others. You're ready for more challenges becaise you love to grow, but wonder if you'll just look like some kind of privileged, entitled dude, stepping over your co-workers.

Or maybe it’s not workplace relationships. Maybe it’s romantic relationships. Suppose you’re dating a loving, caring, compassionate woman. All your friends and family tell you, “She’s the one!” (Your mom adores her.) Privately, you may have some doubts about her, but you’re leery of telling anyone. If you say you don’t want to settle down with her, will people see you as the bad guy? Will they view you as disrespectful if you decide to move on?

Perhaps you wonder: how can I be the man my mom raised me to be, but still be a man? How can I be the masculine one in my relationships, and not come across as a jerk? Thankfully, with relationship counseling for men, you can learn how to healthily integrate your masculine side with your gentler, nurturing side. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.

Many Men Struggle With How To Be An Alpha Male And A Loving Person

We often talk about the terms “Alpha” and “Beta” in our culture, but we rarely think deeply about what they mean. All of us have different ways of managing conflict. Some of us are more likely to hang back when conflict arises, letting it play out (beta). Others will go straight towards conflict, hitting things head-on (alpha). Contrary to popular belief, “beta” does not mean “weak,” and “alpha” does not always mean “strong.” Some people just have louder, bolder, more aggressive personalities than others. They like to get things moving, even if it causes conflict. Conflict doesn’t feel disturbing to them. Others are simply quieter, more laidback, and don’t mind taking a backseat to let things play out a bit.

The trouble, however, arises when we try to fake a personality to appease others——when an alpha plays beta or a beta plays alpha. In our culture today, being a “dominant” male often comes with negative connotations. In a feminist modern society, many men with traditional masculine personality types hide their aggression because others may perceive it as a threat. On the extreme end, they wonder if it will be seen as an affront to equality, decency and even friendship. So if they can behave as beta, they will be more accepted in their social or professional circles. But that’s just weird and confuses everyone. We are what we are.

There’s nothing wrong with being male and having a dominant personality type. Being an alpha male does not mean being a jerk. You can be the more aggressive one in your relationships and still be kind and loving. My goal is to show you how.

Relationship Counseling Offers A New Way Of Looking At Your Masculinity

My sessions offer a space to think about how masculinity affects your relationships without fear of judgment. I recognize masculinity can be an embarrassing subject to talk about. Let’s be real here: you probably don’t want to talk about it with your girlfriend or your mom, because they may not have the natural insight needed to help you. That’s why having a judgment-free zone for discussion with a professional is so vital.

Clients often find my relationship therapy sessions fun, engaging, and down-to-earth. I believe humor is the best antidote to the chaos of life. To that end, I’m sure there will be lots of laughter. I laugh very easily.

In counseling, we will focus on how masculinity impacts the relationships that are currently front-and-center in your life. We can work on building communication skills in your relationship with your significant other, your friends, or even your co-workers. We will discuss how you came to view yourself as a man, how that impacts you today, and how your masculine identity has enabled you to flourish.

Ultimately, I want to give you greater insight into the gender dynamics around you and how you can flourish in the midst of them. For instance, if you’re in a relationship that’s not the right fit for you, but you don’t want to break things off and look like the “bad guy,” my goal is to show you how to end your relationship in a healthy, respectful way. No, I’m not going to tell you to break up with your long-time girlfriend——but if you genuinely want to end a relationship, I will be more than happy to offer counseling to help you deal with the breakup. Conversely, if you’re competitive in the workplace but don’t want to come across as hyper-aggressive, I will teach you healthy, respectful ways to let your competitive spirit thrive.

Beyond merely exploring your gender and personality, I want to strengthen your sense of fulfillment. In order to choose a life that fits who you are, first you have to know who you are. Some of us are more “masculine” than others. Our goals in life may be driven by competition and the desire to never settle. My goal is to show you how being the “alpha” male in your relationships is still compatible with being a caring, nurturing individual. With my guidance, you can have it both ways.

You may have some concerns about relationship therapy for men…

Is therapy going to be all about my mom?

No, it won’t. There’s no denying our mothers leave an indelible impact on our sense of masculinity. However, my approach to therapy is more focused on what’s happening now than what happened in your childhood. No one’s story, or the challenges they face in life, can be reduced purely to their relationship with their mother or father. That being said, if you want to talk about your relationship with your parents, you’re more than welcome to!

How Long Will Relationship Counseling Take?

There is no timetable for how long it takes to heal old wounds, to re-center old perspectives. In the same way, there’s no strict timetable for how long therapy takes. Relationship counseling is about you. There is no set treatment plan; the process is organically developed based on each client’s needs. If you feel confident and empowered enough to leave after only a few sessions, I will wholeheartedly support your decision. If you’d like continued support into the future, however, I can accommodate that as well. Either way, the most important thing is that your relationship is getting the help it needs.

If I stop relationship therapy, can I come back if I’m struggling again?

Of course! It’s perfectly normal for people to return to therapy after taking some time away. What’s more, understanding masculinity is a lifelong process. The ways we internalize gender roles are often unconscious and affect us in ways we are generally slow to realize. You may gain clarity on one issue only to find you need insight on another. You may have settled things in your love life, for instance, only to find you need counseling for relationship issues related to family, children, friends, or work. If this is the case, I’d be more than happy to reconnect with you.

Won’t I just be saying the same thing over and over again?

I have an endless fascination with the human mind. If you feel like you’re repeating yourself, don’t worry——I’ll probably be even more interested in what you’re saying than you are. Besides, sometimes we have to say something 100 times before we really understand it. Rest assured: you won’t bore me!

You Can Feel Confident And Assured In Your Relationships

I provide relationship counseling in the Culver City area of greater Los Angeles, California. I offer a free 20-minute phone consultation to get to know you and address any questions you have. If you’re ready to get started, I invite you to call me at 310-403-4700. You can also book an appointment via my online scheduling software.