Anxiety And Stress Are Making Your Day Harder Than It Has To Be

Work is going really well. You love your co-workers and the work is challenging and rewarding. But secretly, you might feel embarrassed or anxious during the workday, because it’s harder than you thought taking on new responsibilities. Not because you can’t do them; you can, and you can do them well. But you don’t want to make people uncomfortable. You want to be the kind of boss that’s approachable and a good listener. You’ve had that boss who’s unavailable or distant, or perhaps even dead set on squelching the good ideas of the people they manage. You get anxious or inhibited because you don’t want to be that kind of boss.

Or maybe it isn’t work where you feel most anxious or stressed. Maybe it’s at home. You’re with a great guy who really likes and respects women. He was brought up to be a feminist. It would kill him to know you feel stuck as the care-taker, cleaner-upper, keep-your-eyes-on-all-the-balls-in-the-air woman. You may have even read that article about mental load. You know the one; all your girlfriends were talking about it.

The good news is these symptoms of anxiety are normal. As women, we often internalize traditional gender roles without even knowing it. In order to overcome such pressures, we must first understand how they start and how they keep getting stimulated. Anxiety treatment offers you a chance to do so.

It’s Embarrassing: It’s Easy to Fall Into Stereotyped Gender Roles

In our society today, many girls and guys are brought up to think gendered roles just don’t exist. A kind of gender-blindness. But in spite of this upbringing, many children gender themselves in subtle ways.

Boys are usually brought up playing (dis)organized sports like pickup basketball. If there are five of them in a group, someone is always picked first and everyone knows who it is. He is the best basketball player; he should be picked first. And someone is always picked fifth, because everyone knows he is the weakest player. But the boys get over it, because all five friends are important for the group. You don’t have a team without them all. Besides, number five is probably number one in other ways; perhaps he’s the one with the quickest comeback lines. This hierarchy is absorbed and internalized by the group. It isn’t hostile.

Girls, meanwhile, usually grow up playing non-competitive games where we sit in a circle and work together. We’re all the same. We all have to be nice, and share, and complement each other, and attest to the fact that we are all equal friends. That no one is more important, or smarter, or wealthier, or prettier. To endorse or even acknowledge hierarchy is hostile, cruel, arrogant, competitive, or just mean.

For a workplace to be efficient and productive, however, hierarchy is necessary. <insert lame joke about decisions made by committee.> But for a workplace to be creative, all voices must be heard, from the newest and least experienced (i.e., number 5 in the basketball picks) to the person in charge. Hence, the sweet spot for a creative environment utilizes the best of both traditional gender roles.

Most of us like to think we’re immune to gender roles, but we’re not. With the right anxiety treatment, I can help you gain clarity on your identity as a woman and become more conscious of the gender dynamics around you. This clarity will give you greater ease at work and at home.

Anxiety Counseling Can Bring Clarity To Your Life

In my work as an anxiety counselor, my plan isn’t simply to reduce your symptoms. My goal is, ultimately, to heighten your awareness of your needs and your goals. In our sessions, we will discuss the gender-specific issues bringing anxiety into your life. I believe that if you can gain clarity and insight into why you feel overwhelmed, reducing your anxiety symptoms will come naturally. Addressing what’s going on in your head will make it easier to address what’s going on in the office or at home.

I’ve been told that you will find me straightforward, sharp, lively and fully engaged in the process. But you should probably know: I laugh. A lot. And very easily. Honestly, it’s kind of loud. I take what’s in your heart very seriously, but I also take the near-impossibilities of life with a good dose of humor. Anxiety therapy doesn’t have to be dark and intimidating.

In the time I’ve been helping women understand and address their anxiety, I’ve seen how important it is to have a support system where you can share your needs without fear of judgment or blame. And no matter how difficult things are now, there is a path to experience greater ease in your life. My goal is to get you started on that path.

You may have some questions…

Doesn’t therapy take forever?

Enduring change does take time. That being said, my clients usually tell me they feel better even after the first session. They feel hopeful, optimistic and really seen. Within a few weeks or months, you may find the initial anxiety symptoms that brought you in to therapy are noticeably reduced. For some people, that is the point at which they want to take a break. I’m fully supportive of that decision. Only you can know if you’ve gotten what you need.

But for others, anxiety has a history of repeating itself. These clients, curious about the long-standing patterns, may find that continuing on gives them a chance for greater insight and more lasting change.

Whichever path you choose, I’m fully supportive. My favorite thing is hearing how a client’s life has grown after treatment ends. After all, the growth is yours. You take your experience of our therapy together with you as you go out in the world.

If I stop therapy, can I come back if I start feeling anxious again?

Of course you can! Often clients come back to therapy when something new has occurred in their lives, such as a break-up, a new romantic relationship, a new job, or pregnancy. When the new life event arises, symptoms of anxiety can reappear. But you should know this doesn’t mean you failed. The growth you had in anxiety treatment before has taken you forward in your life, and this life event is just another opportunity to look even deeper.

Won’t I just be saying the same thing over and over?

You may worry that you’ll bore me by talking about the same relationship over and over. You should know that I have a nearly endless curiosity about how minds work, which means I have an enormous capacity for hearing the nuances of change. Of course your conflict is repeated; that’s our opportunity to understand how to make it better.

Okay, so it’s not all about my Mom…but can I talk about my Mom?

In a word, Yes! Some people think the purpose of therapy is to blame the Mom. That’s not what we do here.

While your upbringing undoubtedly affects you, just like the rest of us, therapy is about much more than just your past experiences or upbringing. I’m interested in how you are living your life today and how you can live it more fully and with less anxiety. The good news is your life today is your responsibility. We aren’t simply victims of our childhood. But if your life today involves your relationship to your mother, you’re more than welcome to discuss it.

You can live a joyful, confident life

I provide counseling services in the Culver City area of greater Los Angeles, California. I offer a free 20-minute phone consultation where I can address any questions you have and we can see if I’m the right fit for you. If you’re ready to get started, I invite you to call me at 310-403-4700. You can also book an appointment via my online scheduling software.